May 28th. Preparing for what’s bext

 Not an easy task when you’re not even sure what the next step will bring. How did we even function before we were able to google everything!  It’s a blessing and a curse all at the same time so I stopped doing it.  I mean the shit you read about and how others handle their lives, treatments and even death are all over the place. There are supports groups, message boards, facebook groups , blogs and it can very easily consume your time.   Don’t get me wrong, it’s amazing. The information is super useful and important.  Of course there is also a good deal of sadness in reading it all as well and I am not going down that path.  

Here’s the thing…… you come into the world, you live your life however long that is and you die.   It’s the one thing we are all guaranteed.   You can’t live life afraid of dying because then you’re not really living  I was reading about a woman who after receiving her terminal diagnosis of glioblastoma she spent hours writing letters and cards for her children to be given to them throughout their lives on special occasions like wedding days and such.  That’s all very sweet but seems a little odd to me.  What if you hate who your kid has decided to marry? Is there an alternate letter for that?    I’ve come to the conclusion that you can’t micromanage a future you may not be around for.  So I’m just staying present and for me that means letting the people I love know just how much they mean to me.  Love hard throughout your life so it’s enough to last once you’re gone. I think I’ve done that    I’m a hugger. Addie just recently told me she loves how I rock her a little while hugging her and I didn’t even realize that I did that. I hug my boys every chance I get and I have to stand on my toes to reach.  They are both master huggers 💙💙. My dad is one of my favorite people to hug. I mean it’s my dad! Is there anything better than that!   Then there’s my  sister’s. Renee will give you a hug that can stop your breathing. She loves fiercely and for my whole life I always knew she was just a phone call away. . Jet and I don’t even have to talk to communicate. There’s not a lot of hugging but there’s always been a lot of laughter.  Like pee your pants laughing. Our whole relationship is one big inside joke and we just get each other. One of the best parts about starting my granola business 4 years ago is how much time it allowed her and I to spend together and for that I am so thankful.  The friends that I have had in my life for years know I love them and would do anything for them. They have stuck by my side the last few weeks and have all made me feel so lucky to call them my best friends.  And what about all of my new friends??my market family  we sure do come from all walks of life and are a bunch of characters.  I love them all and they know it.  What that whole community has done for me and my family to help us is nothing short of incredible   My heart is full with gratitude and love for each and every one of you. 

So for now I’m going to just say I’ll talk to you all soon.  My family will keep you posted throughout.  My surgeon texted me this morning! Said we are all good to go and he has every confidence that all will go well tomorrow so I’m feeling calm.  

With love gratitude and sunshine 

Jeanette XO