May 22rd. Post 3. As with everything else in life…..it’s a process

The word is out. I need to call my very best friend Mary. We’ve been best friends for over 30 years and she is the most no nonsense, cool headed lady. She’s ridiculously smart and she’s an attorney. She knows exactly what I need in writing and before my head is cut open she will have everything in order. And she does. And I am relieved. We don’t hug and cry about it. She hands me her favorite pen. I sign. We have witnesses sign and We both just agree that this is all so fucking  crazy. We raised our children together, went through a lot of good times, bad times and everything in between.   in 30years we never argued. We always had each other’s back no questions asked and we just always accepted each other without judgment. 

My family is making plans to be with me for the surgery and friends are popping in to say hi (or goodbye?) it all feels very strange because of the way my brain is now functioning. Again, the way my eyes are seeing is not making sense at all in my brain so when our normal routine is setting up tents somewhere I can’t comprehend now being in a hospital room with y’all.  It’s overwhelming and just weird, but at the same time I feel so much love from everyone and that is such a blessing.  

Dr Jin begins explaining about the surgery. This aggressive form of brain cancer is rapidly growing. He feels confident that immediately removing 20% of the tumor will both elevate the pressure and provide a good chunk for labs. The labs will be key in the genetic makeup for when they plan a chemo/radiation treatment schedule.  I straight out ask him if I m supposed to get a second opinion and he quite honestly feels that there isn’t time. I’ve got an army of people researching and we are learning and this first step makes sense.  I feel strong and ready.  My second born. Michael stayed with me all night after the surgery. “My Michael “ every time I opened my eyes I got to see his handsome face smile at me and it gave me such comfort (. By the next day I was up and about and 2 days after I was home and walking around.  I want no part of a cane, walker or wheelchair  I’m coasting the kids are all here getting shit done so Iam comfortable   But I’m struggling with the comprehension problems  the whole house smells like a hospital   I feel helpless   

Fun facts: my glioblastoma has caused me to have an extremely high sensitivity to scent  I don’t seem to have an issue with most food smells (go figure) or Sophie’s grinch feet  but cleaning products, perfumes, normal bath and hair Products and laundry detergent are rough and give me a super bad headache   Which leads to another fun fact: wTF with the nurses! Guys and gals  god bless them all but there needs to be some kind of rule that says they can’t wear layers and layers of perfume  even my family members found it hard to be around   

Daily annoyance: steroids! Although needed to help treat the swelling these fuckers suck   They give me a “short fuse” and make you feel like you’re going to snap    They make you  super restless  

Next appointment is Thursday to meet the neuro oncologist…….  I feel like I should be making granola and giving it to all the doctors   

Thank you so very much for reaching out to me, sending prayers and love and for just being the absolute amazing support system I could have ever asked for  i hope you all know I would do the same for you all  .  you have all given me and my babies peace of mind as we fight this as a family  I feel super strong and ready to fight!

It’s a beautiful day today  sending you all love and sunshine 

JeanetteX