Saturday July 13 th. Need to get emotionally stronger

Good morning.  Spent the day in the city yesterday with Addie for all the pre op tests.  Bless her heart.   I am not easy the whole being guided and not leading is just so hard for me and naturally hard for whoever is with me to know what works best for us both.   I need to chill so I find myself apologizing a lot for being short tempered. This seems to be my biggest challenge so I’m trying to adjust.  Having all my babies here this past weekend and cooking and celebrating them was so fun I am so aware of how precious every day with them all together is now that it just rips my heart apart.  How do I get past this?   I just want to be happy and live in these beautiful moments and I find myself feeling anxious and sad.     I’m hoping after the surgery this week I will have a better perspective on things.