May 27th. Mama bear is pissed!

 There is a running joke in my family.  They call me “Switzerland “.  I’m the neutral one. Jet knows I’m the first to get out my Pom poms to cheer on her hubby when she’s on his case and I try really hard to keep the peace.  I just don’t do conflict well and I try to both avoid it and not instill it.  I’m not sure this has always worked to my advantage.   I married at 24. Had 3 babies in 3 years and would not have changed a single thing about that. They are my family. My life, my pride, my heart and soul. The 3 of my most favorite people on this planet.  I’ve been a single mom since 2006. I tried my hardest and for sure made mistakes but we somehow managed.   As you get older you begin to realize that certain things/ people/ situations that surround you really don’t have a place in your life anymore.  You figure out that it’s all just too negative snd you step back and wonder why you hadn’t done it years ago.  I made a very conscious decision to do this about a year ago and it was the right choice for me.  Well…..yesterday those “leopards” showed their spots at the expense of my son Michael and I am fucking pissed.  I can’t say I’m surprised but I am disappointed. Disappointed in the fact that they showed a total lack of respect and compassion for all my  son has on this plate right now.    I’m sitting here thinking about how many adjectives I could use to express how I feel but what I really want to say is this, I pity you guys.  You’ll never have the family unit we have.  In this house.  no one walks around thinking they are better than the next person.  People talk to each other….. not at each other.  We forgive and forget.  We speak kindly to each other And more than anything else we have each other’s backs.  

I always wanted this home someplace my kids wanted to be…. Not someplace they wanted to run from.  I am damn proud to have achieved that.   Bottom line: DONT FUCK WITH MY CUBS!  

I’m excited for the next couple of days   My beautiful sister Renee drove from North Carolina to New Jersey yesterday to be with my dad and stepmom through the surgery  I’m happy she is here and they are coming tomorrow to spend time together with me   I’m going to cook something I know my dad will love and we’ll celebrate both his and my stepmom s   Birthday      today I’m making a big pot of sauce and meatballs and I’m expecting family and friends in and out to grab a bite and get a hug before Wednesday   All are welcome!  

I am pretty nervous about the surgery  there is so many ifs and unknowns    I am trying to just compartmentalize it 

   Here’s some facts: not having surgery gives me the least chance of survival weeks to months     )This rapid growing glioblastoma will likely worsen rapidly if nothing is done     For us this is not an option   Rapid growth can also happen due to the surgery  seizures are a big risk during and after and I want to come through it strong enough to come home to recover and not have to go to a rehab 

Surgery is risky   My tumor resection will take hours   They are aiming for an additional 70% removal however this will be determined once they are doing the procedure   Could be more, could be less   After the surgery I am kept under for possibly 48 hours    

I’m really nervous about what could happen neurologically during the surgery.  The idea of not being able to think or talk or care for myself is devastating.   It’s the reality of taking a risk that may or may not give you more time   My life is in the hands of some pretty amazing Doctors and I am grateful. 

Wishing you all a beautiful peaceful day 

With love, gratitude and sunshine always 

Jeanette XO